How to stay hopeful when things feel hopeless.
Or how not to lose your shit when you’re overwhelmed.
First, a disclaimer: although some of the things that are dragging me down are related to politics/the current government/the state of *gestures vaguely*, I'm not writing about politics or governance in this essay. There are people who read these and support me who I like and respect and with whom I don’t agree politically, and my goal isn’t to drive anyone away. It isn’t even, really, to change anyone’s mind usually, it’s to encourage people to think outside of their norm, to broaden their horizons just a bit. But none of that is on the agenda for today. It might be someday, and if so, I’ll disclaimer that baby. But today what I want to talk about is coping.
“lalochezia
(n.) the emotional relief gained from using indecent or profane language”
I’ve just finished reading (listening to) a fascinating book written by a therapist, Dr. Julie Smith, called Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, which is essentially a primer on how to survive in the world emotionally with your mental-health intact. I don’t know about you, but my mental health has taken a hit lately. Partially because of the *gestures vaguely again*, and partially because this just happens to be a busier season for our family at a time when I’m still trying to build my business and further my writing career. The combination of all the things plus reading this book got me thinking about the ways we can take care of ourselves when It's. All. Just. Too. Much. Some of these may resonate with you, some of them won’t. But hopefully there’s something in here that might help alleviate some of the crush of pressure as you work your way through a season that’s weighing heavily on you:
Put one hand on your chest, the other on your belly, close your eyes, and breathe. A long, slow, steady breath in, then out. And repeat.
Do something creative. Steal Borrow art supplies from your kids and color or paint. If you’re really feeling spicy, get yourself an adult coloring book complete with expletives. Pro tip: you can google “xyz coloring page free printable” and find tons you can print at home. Here’s an empowering one, and here’s one that’s not kid friendly. This essay’s accompanying photo is a painting I worked on with Little and yes, I printed it off for free.
Do something musical. Bonus points if you play an instrument, but if not, put on some music and DANCE or SING.
Exercise. If you never have, go to YouTube (I love BodyFit by Amy, who’s positive and empowering and not diet culture-y and free) and find a ten minute yoga or pilates video. Start small, just move your body. There’s a scientific reason this helps, which has to do with cortisol and hormones and your brain. The book delves into this, and it’s fascinating.
Get outside. Unless you’re as besieged by pollen as we are, and then absolutely do NOT do that. Just look at the outside from inside.
Get in bed ridiculously early. Even if you don’t go to sleep early, there’s something comforting and luxurious about being in bed when it's still daylight.
Be very careful about what content you consume online. I know “they” say to reduce or eliminate social media, and while I’ve personally been trying to reduce my consumption, there is genuinely good, informative, positive content online (e.g. @DrJulie, who wrote the aforementioned book). Do your fact checking on current events type things, people, but generally speaking, if you feel better after scrolling it, then great! But if you feel like crap after, then that’s something to avoid going forward.
If it’s *insert vague gesture* troubling you, at least in part, take small steps on something that matters to you. We kick off National Library Week with Right to Read Day tomorrow, and I’ll be proudly wearing my Read Banned Books t-shirt as I send postcards, call Congress, and make a donation. You can also make donations (if that’s feasible to you) to organizations doing work you care about, volunteer, post something on social media, call elected officials, reach out to someone affected by the thing you’re worried about and offer support, talk to your kids about the issue and why it matters to you, or whatever feels like a peaceful act of resistance to you.
Cry. Really. Read, watch, or listen to something you know will make you cry and lean into it. It really is cathartic.
Watch a video of a place that relaxes you. Here’s the ocean, mountains, and snow to get you started.
Send yourself a text. Really get everything on your mind written out, get it out of your brain, and then hit send. When you get the text you’ve just sent to yourself, read it and respond to it as if you were responding to someone else. Self-compassion can be hard, but it can also be crucial, and sometimes it's easier to pretend you’re talking to a friend when you’re trying to extend kindness to yourself.
Take a shower. By yourself. Shut the door if you have to, but dim the lights (if it's nighttime), hop in, and just focus on the sensation of the water on your body, and the sound it makes when it hits the tile. Get yourself a cheap scented shower spray and lean into the sensory therapy for as long as you can.
If you have kids, look back at photos of them when they were smaller. Bonus points if you can get your hands on a video of baby laughs. Try to remember what’s most important to you.
Give yourself permission to take a break, whatever that looks like for you.
Look at your life. Really look at it. Is it what you dreamed of when you were younger? If not, why? What can you do to take steps toward building the life you want? And if you do have it, or have pieces of it, how can you channel a sense of awe and wonder that you once wished for this, and now you have it? For me, it's forcing myself to pause and just observe my children (when they’re not fighting, if they’re fighting then this has the opposite effect). No parenting, no caretaking, no nothing. Just watch them sleep or talk and play and be their own unique selves. It almost always leaves me feeling an immense sense of awe that I dreamed of them, and here they are, these fully formed, amazing people.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: depression, anxiety, and other mental health struggles are real, and you don’t have to have a major life event like a birth or a death to have a “justifiable” reason to be struggling. Life can be hard, full stop. I’m a huge proponent of therapy, but sometimes that’s out of reach logistically or financially or because the black monster itself is telling you that it’s too scary to go down that path, or that people will judge you. But if you’re struggling, reach out to someone. You don’t have to face it alone. Sometimes just telling one person can get you inching down the path toward help. And if you don’t have someone you can reach out to, reach out to me. I’m happy to be a friendly ear, even if we don’t know one another IRL, as the Gen-Z-ers say. And folks? Be kind to each other. And be kind to yourselves.
Recommendations Roundup
Parting Shot
Final Thoughts
I wish you the peace that comes from living the life you want for yourself, the hope that comes from seeing your own potential, and the joy that comes from stepping back and feeling gratitude for it all. Go forth, my friends. I wish you well.
Love,
Sarah
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