The upside of anxiety
“The enormity of my love for these tender, fleshy beings was twinned with a potential for loss so unimaginably deep and powerful that it was like a black hole lurking just outside our window.”
— Wreck, by Catherine Newman
I’ve written before about how my mental health tanked after I gave birth to my babies. The constant fear and worry about them—the bone-deep terror of something happening to them—combined with extreme sleep deprivation was not a glowing cocktail for me. But what it's taken me years (eight and a half, to be precise) to realize is that anxiety can also be reframed as a gift.
For ME—and I know this may not be true for YOU, especially if your anxiety is debilitating (mine vastly improves with therapy and medication)—I’ve reached a place where my anxiety actually makes it easier to connect with gratitude. Maybe because I work hard to combat the anxiety, I’ve cultivated a mindset in myself to look for silver linings and be very grateful for what I have. For example:
I’m grateful that we have an army of people around us who love and support us, from family to friends to my kids’ teachers and school staff to professionals like therapists.
I’m grateful that I’ve found something that lights me up, that lets me do something I truly love and feel passionate about (writing), that also feels meaningful and lets me influence others’ lives in a positive way.
I’m grateful for the look of uncomplicated joy and wonder on my children’s faces when they see things like fireworks, the ocean, or even something as simple as surprise cookies. I’m also grateful that my family can afford food and all the other things we need when so many can’t.
I’m grateful for the chocolate I always end my day with, and that there are so many flavors of ice cream.
My children, however, don’t always feel or show gratitude. Over Thanksgiving break, my girls had a bit of a spat. Actually several, but one in particular gave me pause because both kids separately said they feel like their sister doesn’t love them. They do love each other—the special sister-handshake they made up on the bus ride home from school this week is just one example of that—but, as siblings do, they fight. Things get heated. They say things they don’t mean. Partially because they’re mad and partially because they’re kids and don’t yet have the practice at emotional regulation, they forget what they love and appreciate about each other, and that their lives are so much better with each other in it.
Since then I’ve been thinking even more about gratitude–how to show it, how to teach it, and how to cultivate it as part of our family culture–and I realized that for a lot of people gratitude is hard. Connecting with joy and wonder in everyday life is hard. And the benefits that come with those things—like keeping us focused on things that are truly important to us—can be elusive to connect to.
So I put a request out to my network of supporters to share something deep and specific that they’re grateful for, and I’m going to share them here with you. I hope that if you’re struggling to connect to these feelings in yourself that you’ll find inspiration from these varied voices:
I am so grateful to be able to enjoy my grandchildren, see their smiles, hear their giggles, hold them, walk with them, play with them, read to them and see the joy on their faces as they discover something new!
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work in synchronicity with soil, water, air, plants, animals and people—raising healthy food for customers, friends, and family… and for your essays 😍
I’m grateful for the people that put good out in the world! With so much negativity in the world right now, the people that do good, spread kindness, and do good things I’m so grateful for! It’s those little things that make such a huge difference!
I am grateful for the patience my partner has shown me in our relationship while I figure out how to recognize and manage the challenges I face with ADHD.
I am truly grateful for my brother and his kids! I haven’t had an easy life and am not good at all with keeping in touch or birthday cards and such due to let’s say parental issues. Later in life my brother and I reconnected and realized that we both had been treated poorly and have been able to finally have a relationship. He has been my rock, always there for me to tell me what I may not want to hear but what I needed to hear. Anytime I’m feeling down I just call him and hearing his voice is enough to perk me up. I don’t think I could survive without him. Then there’s his kids. I never was a good aunt to them and don’t deserve it but they have always treated me with such love. They allow me to be included in group chats and I get to see their amazing kids grow into the best little humans out there. I don’t tell them very often just how thankful I am for their tolerance, forgiveness and love. If it weren’t for my brother and his wife and kids and all of their kids I truly don’t know where I would be at mentally today!!
I am grateful to be so far along on my cancer journey that I can say it has been over a year (just barely) since my last chemo treatment. Grateful too for insightful friends like you to ask questions like these!
I am grateful I am surrounded by strong, supportive family and friends who allow me to be me, and I never have to hide my good or bad news from them.
I’m grateful for that rare and glorious snowstorm… when the world feels muffled, quiet and serene. It’s as if, for a brief moment, Nature is giving us a clean slate, and a sense of Hope in this screwed up world.
I'm grateful for friends who I may not see for months (or a year!) but can pick up like no time has passed when we reunite. I'm grateful for my dog's unconditional love. I'm grateful for the Great British Bake Off and for all the dessert I'm going to devour this holiday season 😂
I am grateful for those unexpected belly laughs that bring tears flowing from my eyes and instantaneously fills my heart with unadulterated joy.
I am grateful for those sacred, sometimes mundane, moments in life with my children where I pause and find myself in complete awe of the incredible being in front of me who I am helping nurture and grow and who is helping shape me into the best version of myself.
I hope this gives you what you need to connect with something in your life that you’re grateful for, and if so, please consider sharing in the comments.
As always, I’m grateful for your support. And I’m happy to support you, too. Whatever that might look like.
“Life is a near-death experience. And death is a real-life one. There is…only this, now…loving each other like there’s plenty of room on the life raft. Like there’s no tomorrow—or like there is one, and you don’t want to wake up hungover with regret. You just want to wake up while you still can. While the world is turning and the owls are calling and gratitude is the very air you are still breathing, because, whatever happens next, that’s how lucky you are. You are still breathing.”
Recommendations Roundup
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Parting Shot
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading. I know your time is limited, and you’re choosing to spend a slice of it here, with me. It’s a gift, and one I take seriously.
Esperance (es-per-uhns): Esperance (es-per-uhns): the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
I wish you the peace that comes from living the life you want for yourself, the hope that comes from seeing your own potential, and the joy that comes from stepping back and feeling gratitude for it all. Go forth, my friends. I wish you well.
