This month’s essay has no content that is inadvisable to listen to in front of little ears, if that is a consideration for you. I whisper-bleeped the one use of profanity.

First, welcome new subscribers! I’m so glad you’re here! You can read more about me on my website or Substack, if you’re interested, but in a nutshell:

I believe that reading is a fundamental cornerstone of empathy and happiness. Everyone can learn to love to read when matched with the right book for them in a supportive environment, and reading the work of others (including in formats like this—not limited to books) can be truly transformative.

It’s my core mission to spread a love of reading and to leverage my writing to help people connect to emotion, ideally understanding (and caring for) themselves and others a bit more. I do that through my fiction work, these essays, and promoting the work of others. At my Eliciting Esperance page you’ll find all of my prior essays and book recommendations going back three years.

Now, on to today’s topic…tattoos.

And identity, and the intentionality of choice. And those are 100% related to tattoos.

When my youngest daughter was about six months old, I started wanting a tattoo. At the time I think it was probably stemming from a minor identity crisis, but the hunger for it lasted five years. Five years I spent looking for ideas, comparing fonts, creating a folder in my phone for all the photos of tattoos I liked. The nudge I needed to make the appointment came when I asked my husband’s thoughts on a design and he said “you’re never really getting a tattoo.”

Oh, really? WATCH ME.

Two days later I got not one, but two tattoos. It turns out I needed an external push to trigger the internal permission I’d been looking for. Which is not something I actually realized until I sat down and wrote this essay, and I want to explicitly point out the irony that took two months to land: tattoos led me to really consider what it means to live with intention, but the thing that finally spurred me to do it was someone telling me I wouldn’t.

At the end of the five year, two month consideration process, I got a tattoo on my wrist very similar to the very first image I found, the first one on the first night that came up when I popped in the search terms for what I was thinking:
*my actual tattoo* ⟶

And while I was there, I got a bonus, spontaneous one for good measure. Which, if you know me, you know is very out of character:

⟵*my other actual tattoo*

Aside from the ocean wave in the second—which is my reminder to myself that life has peaks and valleys, sometimes it’s smooth, sometimes rough, but there’s always beauty to be found—the two remaining elements are either directly representative of or influenced by motherhood, something that was truly transformative for me. And I purposely put them somewhere visible so they’d be a way I can ground myself in my values and goals every single day, and something my girls can seek out as they grow when they need a reminder, too, but maybe can’t find the words to say so.

I will not lie and tell you I didn’t have a minor panic attack in the car afterward about putting something permanently on my body. I did. I swung wildly between sinking regret and giddy hysteria and back again, and I was very grateful to “forward thinking Sarah” for bringing snacks and hot tea along to have afterward.

But then…the “oh sh*t, what did I do” feeling dissolved into something more comfortable—more settled—than I expected.

I felt so much more myself with them.

I’ve thought a lot about these tattoos since—why I wanted them, why I love them—and I think partially it’s because they’re a visual reminder to live with intention. To really, fully know what my values are and make sure that as many decisions as possible about how I show up as a person, how I spend my time, and how I exist in the world are choices, not reactions. For me, getting tattoos helped me match my outside to my inside, though I didn’t fully understand at the time that that’s what I was doing. It sounds crazy that some ink on my skin helped me more fully settle into my identity, but it did. And I want that for you, too.

There are so many ways you can be sure that your inner self and outer life reflect who you are, even if tattoos aren’t your thing. What it really comes down to, I think, is having an awareness of who you are and what you find important and then aligning your life to that, but everyone’s interpretation of how to do that will be different.

But if you are interested in a tattoo but have absolutely no idea what you find meaningful enough to see on your body for the rest of your life, just think about what brings you joy. What things in this life do you find beautiful? Because sometimes the beauty of it is enough.

Sometimes the beauty is the point, instead of making one.

My online content is 100% free, and I have no plans to change that. I never want someone’s desire or ability to pay to prevent their eyeballs from seeing my words. At the same time, I want to give people the ability to support my work monetarily if they want to.

Contributing gets you absolutely nothing extra—no bonus content, extra essays, or anything else. It’s solely a way for you—if you feel moved to—to support me with your wallet.

If you’d like to support my work financially, please click here.

Your support helps me: contract with professionals (e.g. editors, book coaches), submit my work for awards, continue my professional development, sign up for opportunities to pitch agents, support other writers, and offset administrative costs like my website and domain fees.

Featured Philanthropy

Community service is incredibly important to me, and that can look different for different people. For me, it means volunteering at my kids’ school, volunteering for the writing association I’m a member of, and trying to help families in need in our community. For others it might be making charitable contributions. Both are fantastic!

Starting with this edition, I’ll be highlighting the work of a different philanthropic organization with each essay. Give your time or not, donate money or not, it makes no difference to me–I just hope to inspire a servant leadership mindset in my readers, and also feature the wonderful work different organizations are doing.

If you’d like to nominate an organization for me to spotlight, please send me a DM, a message on my website, or drop a link in the comments.

The American Library Association empowers and advocates for libraries and library workers to ensure equitable access to information for all. Their core values are:

Equity and Access

Equity and access ensure that all community members can freely use library resources and services by dismantling systemic barriers and creating inclusive environments that support learning, growth, and empowerment for everyone.

Intellectual Freedom

Intellectual freedom is a basic right in a democratic society and a core value of the library profession. Intellectual freedom empowers individuals to form their own ideas and opinions through free and open inquiry.

Sustainability

Sustainability means making choices that are environmentally responsible, economically sound, and socially equitable to ensure library resources and services remain effective now and into the future.

Public Good

The public good is rooted in improving society and safeguarding access to education, literacy, and intellectual freedom. Libraries play a fundamental role in democracy by supporting an informed, connected, and empowered citizenry.

Recommendations Roundup

This is a love story for us middle-aged moms. It has the passion of a new relationship paired with the daily realities of parenting elementary schoolers and the drag of emotional baggage, wrapped up in a bow of warmth and wit.

Read more about *Nora Goes Off Script*

Well worth the read, and I also want to share here a quote from the Authors Note that I found incredibly moving: “Sometimes it takes darkness to show us what we believe and who we really are…and my hope moving forward is that we may all have the eyes to see the silent suffering in front of us, the ears to hear their cries, and the empathy to take their hand and let them know that they are not alone, because we are all ghosts of this mysterious realm called life.”

Read more about *The Mad Wife*

This book does a wonderful job of outlining how we can support our kids’ emotional intelligence, balancing the (sometimes competing, it feels like) needs to teach them to be good humans but also embrace their individuality and need to develop self-advocacy skills, with a healthy dose of Big Feelings overlaying it all. It’s easy to read and comes across as expert guidance without being patronizing, giving solid, actionable advice but feeling like it’s being delivered by a friend over coffee. I found the author’s blend of personal anecdotes with genuine attempts to connect with the reader throughout the pages to feel supportive, which feels odd to say about a book, but there it is!

Read more about *Big Kids, Bigger Feelings*

Parting Shot

Esperance (es-per-uhns): Esperance (es-per-uhns): the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

I wish you the peace that comes from living the life you want for yourself, the hope that comes from seeing your own potential, and the joy that comes from stepping back and feeling gratitude for it all. Go forth, my friends. I wish you well.